


oh shit. not again.

by theredhoodie



Category: Teen Wolf (TV), Twilight (Movies)
Genre: Crack fic that ended up not totally cracky, this is just for fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:53:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23778712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theredhoodie/pseuds/theredhoodie
Summary: In which Stiles isCharlieand his daughter, Bella, is actually a character and not a stick in the mud. Stiles moves away from Beacon Hills to get away from the supernatural. When his teenage daughter moves back in with him she unknowingly drags him back into it.
Comments: 14
Kudos: 156





	oh shit. not again.

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a stupid fun fic I made based on this [video + tweet combo](https://twitter.com/duskydyl/status/1252414478588604416). Someone said that Charlie Swann is basically Stiles Stilinski in 20 years and here we go lol
> 
> I haven't watched S6 of Teen Wolf so this is all nonsense.
> 
> Lightly edited by my boyfriend so if there are any mistakes, blame him.

When Stiles moved away from Beacon Hills, he decided he had enough with the supernatural. No more werewolves. No more time traveling plague doctors. No more ancient demons possessing him.

He was straight up DONE.

It served him well. He got through to the FBI like he always wanted, spent a few years on the force, found a nice girl.

She wasn’t Lydia, but since Lydia was a banshee and Stiles was _done with supernatural creatures_ , he was okay with that. Renée was pretty and smart witted and he was his usual idiot self. She liked him until his nightmares got too much, but by then it was too late.

He woke up five years into a marriage with a four year old girl named Bella and divorce papers in his hand. He wasn’t a dick. He made sure Renée and Bella had the house, the money, everything they needed. He moved to an apartment and called Scott McCall for the first time in years.

Things were almost like they used to be, but not quite. Scott was still a werewolf, but he was Stiles’ best friend. 

“Are you still going to see your daughter?” Scott asked. He had always been sensitive, in-tune with other people’s feelings. It’s what made him a great Alpha. 

Stiles shook his head, staring at the blank apartment around him. “Hopefully. We still live in the same city.”

“That’s good, Stiles. I’m glad you called, man.”

“Me too.”

Three years later, Renée found a man who didn’t keep her up at night with screams and night terrors and moved away with Bella. Stiles became “that dad”, the one that only knew his daughter through cards and phone calls. He tried really hard.

But then he slipped into his normal life, and just accepted things. He worked on the police force. He got a house. He befriended the locals and carved out a piece of the world for himself.

The next time he blinked, Bella was seventeen and she didn’t want to live with Renée anymore. Stiles found himself suddenly a dad again.

He picked her up from the airport in his old truck, all nerves and bad conversation. They got curly fries on the way back.

“I just wanted a fresh start, you know?” Bella said around a mouthful of fries.

“You have no idea,” Stiles replied. When did he get so old? He’d seen grey in his hair above his ears earlier. Werewolves didn’t go grey so early, did they? He shook his head and focused on the road. “I’m glad you’re here. Hopefully your senior year will be easy for you here.”

“It’s fine. I’m used to moving around a lot um…”

“You don’t have to call me Dad, I know I haven’t exactly been around. You can call me Stiles if you want. Everyone does.”

Bella tilted her head and looked at him. “Okay. What do you do for fun around here?”

“Oh you know, the usual. Fishing, hunting…tv?” 

Bella cracked a smile that was a twin to Stiles’. “Sounds invigorating. I’ve never been hunting before. Do you use a gun?”

“I do. I can teach you, but you’ll have to be certified before you can come out with me. If you want, that is.”

“I’ve never actually killed anything before. I mean, one time when I was learning to drive with Mom I ran over a squirrel but it wasn’t my fault.”

Stiles pressed his lips together. He’d killed far too many things, saw far too many friends bleeding out in front of him. He only went hunting and fishing for food. It was economical and eco friendly to keep the deer population down and the town had strict rules for overfishing. “You don’t have to kill anything. Gun safety is important.”

“I know. Grandpa was a Sheriff too, right?”

“Yes. Runs in the family. You thinking about what you’re gonna do once you graduate?” They’d gotten to his house now and got out, Stiles carrying Bella’s bags.

“I was thinking of becoming a veterinarian,” Bella said seriously.

Stiles nearly dropped her bags. “Real—really? Don’t most kids grow out of that fantasy? Not that it’s a fantasy, but it’s a lot of work."

“I know. I’m super smart, Dad,” she said flashing him a grin and walking inside.

Bella fit into his life pretty easily. She was a lot like him despite the fact that the last time they lived together she was seven. 

He showed her around town—she pet every dog she saw—and he bought paint to paint her room pale blue. She drew flowers along the floorboards. They ate pizza and drank soda and watched TV together like they’d never been apart.

oOo

Then school started and everything changed.

He should have known, of course. Bella was now among her peers, not just her flannel wearing dad. He went back to work and she started making friends and being secretive. She started going out with friends and doing all the things teenagers were supposed to be doing.

“Who’s this Edward?” Stiles asked when Bella rambled on and on in nonsense circles in the kitchen. Much like he used to. He’d calmed down in his old age.

“Like I said, he’s new in town too. His family just moved here. He’s really nice, Dad. He’s taking me out to dinner. Is that okay?”

Stiles narrowed his eyes out the window over the sink and then turned to his daughter. “I trust you. I get to meet him before you go.”

Bella grinned. “Yes! He’ll be here soon.” She dashed off to get ready and Stiles shook his head into a beer.

When there was a knock on the door twenty minutes later, Stiles answered first. A scrawny looking kid with hair a mile high stood in front of him. “You’re Edward?” Stiles asked, wondering what his daughter saw in this kid.

The teenage boy looked like he’d just swallowed a rock, eyes wide, terrified. “Yes, sir. You’re Bella’s dad?”

Stiles nodded as Bella came flouncing down the stairs. “Dad, be nice,” she said, pulling the door from his hand so she could step through.

“Nice to meet you sir,” Edward said. “We’ll be home by nine.”

“Eight thirty,” Stiles said.

The boy agreed and Stiles watched them drive off in his fancy little Prius. 

Bella’s life became all about Edward after that and Stiles could relate. It actually made his hand twitch toward his phone, wanting to call Lydia. But he didn’t because he wasn’t an asshole. She was probably living the best life a banshee could; was she together with Jordan? Didn’t matter.

Stiles took to cleaning his hunting guns as the season got colder. 

“Hey, Dad,” Bella said, pausing next to the table as he cleaned his shotgun. “Edward wanted to take me over to meet his family. They um…they play baseball out by the edge of town.”

“You play baseball?” Stiles asked, glancing up from the barrel. “I told your mom that she should get you into lacrosse.”

“Just because you played,” Bella scoffed. She leaned on the edge of the table. “I may be back late, is what I’m saying. His parents are cooking me a big meal.”

“Do I know them?”

“I don’t know. They just moved here. I told you.”

Stiles flipped the gun and the barrel snapped into place. “I want to meet them.”

oOo

And that’s how, a week later, Stiles found himself sitting across from two hauntingly beautiful people and their son Edward. Bella talked animatedly at his side. Stiles couldn’t stop wondering why all three of them had such dark eyes. He swore Edward had light brown eyes the last time he’d seen the kid. 

They barely ate, but they talked a lot. Carlisle traveled for his work, and Esme was a housewife and author. They fostered children and had five, including Edward.

“Big bunch,” Stiles commented at that.

“We love having a big family,” Esme said, smiling. Her gums looked redder then they should. Maybe it was just the lighting. 

Other than their weird marble-like complexion, Stiles couldn’t see anything wrong with them. He shook their hands as they parted in the parking lot. Their hands were cold…not like ice, but colder than they should have been after sitting in that restaurant in front of the roaring fire.

The thought irked him all the way home as Bella talked about how excited she was to go over to Edward’s house.

“I don’t want you to go,” Stiles heard himself say as they pulled into the driveway.

Bella shut up. “Wait what? Are you serious? Edward and I have been on five dates! And you met his parents. They’re great!”

Stiles pressed his lips together and rubbed his hands over his face. “Bells…” He twisted in the seat to face her. “There’s just something off about them.”

“God, I thought you’d understand,” Bella huffed, crossing her arms. “But you’re turning into everyone else’s dad. What, am I never allowed to date now? I can date when I’m 30?”

“That’s not what I said.” He almost said too much, that his suspicions were supernatural, but he couldn’t do that. He had gotten his nightmares under control in the last five years, so Bella had no memories of the screams that used to rip through him at night. “Okay, I’m sorry. I’m just overreacting. As long as you’re home before dark, it’s okay.”

Bella’s smile brightened her whole face. “Thank you!”

oOo

Running away wasn’t part of Bella’s schtick. When she didn’t come home, Stiles went crazy. He had the whole station out searching for her and he didn’t call Renée like he should have. Instead, when he finally found Bella, she was passed out, cold to the touch with a god damn fucking bite wound on her arm.

Stiles almost had a heart attack, bundling her up in his arms and taking her to the hospital. He made sure the doctors kept things to themselves. The bite wasn’t animal, it had the pattern of human teeth. _Human teeth_. 

Stiles spent the next few hours pacing in front of her hospital room. He called Renée to tell her Bella was fine. And then he called Scott.

“Human? I don’t think I can turn anyone while human. I hope not, otherwise most of my girlfriends would have turned…”

“Scott focus,” Stiles said. “Do you know of any other supernatural creatures who can…infect or change someone with a bite?”

“I don’t know for sure. I can check. Lydia has been keeping a library about all this. You should call her.”

“I should not.”

“Right, sorry. Derek?”

“Wait…is he back from South America?”

“Yeah. He and Cora have been in Beacon Hills for a few years now.”

“Shit.” Stiles ran a hand over his face. “Just get back to me, okay?”

“You could also just ask Bella. She may tell you.”

But she didn’t. She insisted it was some freak homeless guy and she was fine. And she was. She got better quickly, showed no signs of turning on a full moon or otherwise. She even insisted on going to the homecoming dance with Edward.

Stiles stood by the bottom of the stairs for her to walk down in a simple blue dress. He gave her a smile and then casually lifted the shotgun to his shoulder. “Have fun tonight,” he said dryly, eyes on Edward.

“Yes, sir.”

oOo

Months later and Edward was old news. He’d left and Bella spent three days crushed before she threw herself into college applications. She had a vitality to her that Stiles missed. He missed youthfulness.

“I’m going to go visit the Blacks,” Bella said one day, coming down in jeans and a flannel, giving him flashbacks.

“The Blacks? They have their homestead on the edge of the county,” Stiles said, getting up from the couch.

“Yeah. They have a lot of farm animals so I’m going to go visit them. One of their cows is pregnant so I wanted to get to know her before she gives birth. Jacob Black said I could come over when she does.”

“You want to become a rural vet?”

Bella grinned and shrugged. “Maybe.”

He let her go. She came back a little scraped and with some twigs in her hair but said she’d just tripped. She seemed fine.

It wasn’t until a few months later, when there was an unusual amount of predators in the woods being reported that he began to worry.

Bella had brought this Jacob kid around a few times. Stiles wasn’t stupid. He’d seem the ritualistic tattoo on the kid’s shoulder, but couldn’t place it. And the kid was nice. Nicer than Edward and Bella seemed to really like him.

“Your family all lives out in the east, Jacob?” Stiles said over a dinner of pizza. 

“Yes, sir.”

“See anything unusual lately? In the woods?”

Bella kicked Stiles under the table. 

“I’m only asking because I’m the Sheriff and we’ve been having reports of large animals.”

“Any deaths, sir?” Jacob asked with gall.

Stiles was impressed. “No. But if there are predators here that shouldn’t be, it could mess with the local ecosystem.”

“Okay, then I haven’t seen anything, sir,” Jacob said.

oOo

A few days later, Stiles woke up to noises. He got out of bed and stumbled bleary eyed into Bella’s room. “Bella, are you—what the fuck.”

Jacob Black stood there, shirtless no less, in his daughter’s bedroom. “Shiiiiiiiit. Sir, uh…this isn’t what it looks like.”

“How the fuck did you get in here?” Stiles asked, eying the open window. They were on the second floor and there were no nearby trees.

“Dad, _Dad_ ,” Bella said, standing and putting her hand on Stiles’ chest, standing between her father and her boyfriend. “It’s okay he was just…protecting me.”

“From what?! I’m a cop, you’re safe already!” Stiles stormed forward and leaned out the open window. At least four others from the Black family were standing out on the lawn. 

Stiles had a bad feeling about this.

He pulled his head back inside. “Someone want to explain this for me?”

“I’ll explain! I’ll explain tomorrow,” Bella said, grabbing Stiles’ arm. 

“Bella, you can’t,” Jacob said stepping forward.

Stiles turned on the kid. “Son, don’t tell my daughter what to do.”

Jacob pressed his lips together angrily. “I’m sorry, sir, but it’s not her place.”

“I don’t give two shits whose place it is. I want answers.” He glanced at the alarm clock on Bella’s nightstand. It was three in the morning. “Tomorrow. Get the hell out of here, right now, Jacob.”

Jacob complied. Stiles followed him downstairs and unlocked and relocked the front door. Once he was gone, Stiles turned around. Bella was on the stairs.

“Dad,” she said, looking a little scared. “I swear, he was just protecting me. I mean…he was telling me about…ugh, I don’t know how to say this. Or even if I can.”

Stiles rubbed his face with his hands. “Go to bed, Bella.”

She frowned but did as he said. He followed, locking her windows and drawing her curtains. There was no one outside. He paused to kiss her hair and then left her door open on his way down the hall.

For the first time in a while, he had a dream that left him choking awake. But he didn’t scream. He swallowed it down and got dressed and went downstairs.

Bella had already poured his cereal and made coffee. It was sitting on the table for him. As he came in and sat, she handed him the milk bottle. He poured enough into his bowl and started to eat. She sat down opposite him, playing with her fingers nervously.

“I can’t tell you,” Bella said finally. “But I can show you. And then I can tell you.”

Stiles frowned. “Want to try explaining that a bit better?”

Bella gnawed on her lower lip. “You need to keep an open mind.” She looked at him with big wide eyes that reminded him of…Scott.

Stiles swallowed down some cereal and took a sip of coffee. “Believe me, pumpkin, I’ve got the most open mind around.”

Bella smiled weakly, unconvinced. She drove this time, taking his Jeep—not his old Jeep, of course, she was in a junkyard far from here, but he couldn’t shake the brand—out of the town and to the eastern rural area.

She parked at the Black’s farm. Stiles was itching for his gun but he followed her into the woods. It was a bright, clear day, though it was cold as balls. Stiles could see his breath in front of him and he shoved his hands into his canvas jacket pockets to stave off the temperature.

“How much further?” Stiles asked after half an hour of picking their way over roots and rocks and underbrush. Nothing good had ever happened to Stiles in the woods. He was feeling jittery all over.

“Almost there,” Bella insisted as they slid down into a ravine covered in leaves. There was a small outcropping of boulders up ahead and nothing else. Whatever leaves were still left on the trees rustled in the wind.

Bella took a few steps back and to the side. “Okay, so you promised not to freak out.”

“I’m starting to,” Stiles admitted. “I’m not about to get murdered, am I?”

Bella’s soft snort made him a little more at ease. “No, Dad. You’ll be fine.”

Just then, Jacob stepped into view. He was, once again, shirtless despite the temperature. 

“Do you need money to buy shirts, kid?” Stiles asked. “I’m sure I could buy a pack of t-shirts from Walmart for like ten bucks if you need it.”

“No thanks, Sheriff,” Jacob said. His eyes glanced behind Stiles to Bella, who nodded. “Please don’t freak out.”

“Stop telling me what to do!” Stiles words rose in octaves as the boy in front of him transformed. It was quick and flawless. Once there was a boy and now there was a huge russet wolf almost as tall as Stiles himself.

Stiles yelped and slipped, falling backward. He landed hard on his back and lay there, wheezing a little and squinting up at the sky. Jacob’s huge wolf-head came into view. Stiles’s heart was surprisingly steady.

“Fucking werewolves,” Stiles muttered.

“Dad! Are you okay?” Bella crouched down next to him and helped him to his feet. The wolf stepped back and Stiles’s eyes were drawn to the six other wolves now surrounding them. All much larger than a normal wolf, much larger than Derek had ever been. And they were…well they were beautiful.

“Werewolves?” Stiles asked a bit louder. He was close to laughter.

Bella frowned. “No. It’s daytime.”

“Of course.” Stiles put his hand over his mouth.

“They’re shapeshifters. And I couldn’t tell you because I swore on magic but now you know so I can tell you!”

“Wolf. Shapeshifters.”

“Yes.” Bella’s nails dug into his coat. “Are you okay?”

Stiles couldn’t hold it in any longer. He started to laugh. And he laughed so much he had to lean his hands on his knees and close his eyes. The wolves all shifted nervously around him. Finally, he got ahold of himself, standing up straight and wiping his eyes.

“I…ahem. Oh baby girl, you have no idea how okay I am.” Stiles put his arm around Bella’s shoulders. She was so confused. “Are they good guys? Are you good guys?”

One of the biggest wolves was black and he dipped his head in a very human gesture that Stiles easily read.

“They just protect their land here. They drove off the Cold Ones.”

Stiles’s smile faltered. “The Cold Ones?”

“Kind of like vampires, but more fairy-like,” Bella said quietly as some of the wolves bristled at the mention. “Edward’s family—“

“I knew it!” Stiles exclaimed. “I fucking knew something was wrong with them.”

Bella frowned.

“Oh shit, Bells. I’m sorry. Are you uh…okay with all this? They didn’t hurt you did they?”

Bella shook her head. “Edward saved me when I was attacked by another Cold One. But we weren’t right for each other. But Jacob…I don’t know, I like it here. Except now the mate of Cold One I helped to kill is after me. Which is why I needed protection.”

Stiles took it all in stride, though he was a little fearful that it was his daughter who was in danger. “I’ll help you,” he said. “I have a lot to explain but I understand. I spent my high school career among werewolves and other magical creatures.”

Bella’s mouth hung open. “Um…did you hit your head when you fell?”

“No, I’m being serious. I moved away to get away from it all but I guess…” Stiles waved his hand at the wolf shifters. “I guess this shit just follows me.” Stiles turned to Bella and took her shoulders in his hands, looking her right in the eye. “I’ll protect you. I know people, I know magic. I will help. Though I will admit, these wolves are pretty impressive.”

Bella’s eyes filled with tears and she hugged him, saying something that was muffled against his jacket. Stiles just squeezed her and eventually she stepped back. “Can they speak? Like this I mean.”

“No.”

“Okay. Maybe we should go back to the house, theirs or ours, and have a conversation. I need to know all about these Cold Ones. I know some people who will be able to help.” Stiles put his arm around Bella’s shoulders and bit back a curse as the wolves yelped and barked and then ran around and past the two of them.

Stiles stared in disbelief that somehow his daughter was following in his same footsteps. But at least he would be here to help and protect her. He’d shake the cobwebs off his monster-hunting skills and get to work.


End file.
